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Name: 5am_create
Back January 2013
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5am Word Paint
Life's Letters and Lessons
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-He could pillage my village. What?
-Rob Zombie isn't a wedding singer.
-These sheets will tell our story.
-He did my drugs for me.

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Have you ever met someone who immediately impacts your life just by the smallest gesture? There are many individuals in my life who have done just that, and more often than not they go on living their lives, never knowing what they've done for me. In truth, I usually have little to do with many of them for very long...They come and go because my impact is often nonexistent. Shyness has always been my undoing.
I express more on paper than I do verbally, I always have. Even when trying to communicate non-verbally, through writing, to another person, I fail at that. For example, I'll write something really nice, and instead of signing my name, I'll just put, "Go get 'em tiger" or something nobody would guess leads back to me.
Weird, right?

So, being my quiet self I observe a lot in the short amount of time I am around people...Which probably makes people think I'm more like a stalker, and I probably sound like one, but the truth is, I'm impressionable, and what you say or do towards me matters.

Love can form from the smallest act of kindness...or something.

Anyway, moving on.

Back to that someone. The one who impacts you with the smallest outstretched hand.
There is one in particular who has left an impression on me, and since then I've found myself dreaming about them pretty frequently.
Now, normally, I would shrug off such silliness as nothing more than a dream, but these in particular are like a constant reminder of something I missed out on in reality.

So, yes, it's a boy.
And yes, I kind of had a little bit of a crush on him.
And lo-and-behold, he outstretched his smallest bit of kindness, and that meant something to me.
He probably has no idea that something he probably thought nothing of would mean something to me, but considering my situation at the time, it did.

Let's say I'm the girl who has been a part of program for three years, and still doesn't know a single person, and this guy, knows everybody.
So, rather than go to anyone in the room, he comes to me for help.
Why? I dunno.
But for a moment, someone knew me by name.
Someone reached out to me.
And that meant something to me.

But now I can't get him out of my unconscious head!
Maybe that's just what it means to be smitten, or maybe, I just wish I could of said more when I had the chance...Maybe "Thank you," would have just been enough.

Thank you.

We’ve Hardly Spoken; Get out of my Dreams: (Poetry)
Something tells me I know everything about you,
Just from that small outstretched kindness you once offered me,
It was nothing more than your attention really,
But considering the amount of people who surrounded me,
And that you, were the first, to remember my name,
To ask for my help,
I suppose that mattered to someone like me.
Someone shy, unspoken, and often forgotten, like me.
And yet, I’m sure you’d probably think me something strange,
Probably creepy if you knew that.
I don’t blame you.
I just don’t know how to approach someone as,
Let’s say, special.
Someone as special as you.
The world lights up around you,
And you attract the entirety of the room.
As if the actor, who never left the stage.
How can I approach that?
I can’t.
I couldn’t.
And so, my unconscious mind makes up for all that I lack in reality.
Or perhaps not…
Because even then I can’t approach you.
You approach me.
But why?
Even then I know, that you have no business talking to me,
Where would we cross paths?
There’s no opportunity for that.
I missed it.
I missed the moment to say something, anything.
I often want to thank you, for making me feel like I was a part of something.
I don’t think you know the promise you hold,
And while I find that sad, there’s something beautiful about the man who cannot see the goodness in himself, but will find it in another.
So, while I thank you for sharing your wonder with me,
I wish you’d spared me such,
Because at night you’re often there,
And my reality is far from any dream.
In the moment, it’s alright,
But in the morning, it’s another matter.
Because it only causes me to recount the missed opportunity,
And I find the question, “What if?” to be quite troubling.
I know that we said little.
I know, that my shyness and my uncertainty of self prevented anything,
And perhaps there’s nothing you can do about this problem I am having,
But they say that when one cannot sleep, it is often because someone is dreaming of them,
So if you could, with all your might, sleep,
Then maybe we can continue living closer to reality.

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Current Location: Alpine Ridge Apartments
Current Mood: drained drained
Current Music: Help Me by Alkaline Trio